How can I (or should I ) help Ex emotionally get through the divorce- Could use some mens advice on this too.?
I had been married for 18 years. After years of feeling that my needs were not met, I told my soon to be ex that one of us was moving out. He decided to go and leave me and the kids in the house. Over the last month I feel like we have both been through the ringer. We worked in anger (not good) we tried to be civil (ok but felt phony) and we tried to be friends (left with hugs etc.) and to me it felt that that was just aggravating the situation because he saw it as a source of hope.He is very hurt and doesn’t want the divorce. I have become indifferent over the last year and know that divorce is the only option I want. Should I try to help him and ease his pain by talking to him or being there for him or is that only causing more damage to him? Should I let him stand on his own 2 feet and figure out his own path in this world like I had to do ? How can I ease this horrible emotional roller coaster we are on ?What is the best way to go about all this ?
Are you my ex-wife ? 
I know you aren’t, but the situation is so strikingly similar as to be spooky. Like your soon to be ex, I did not understand, at the time, that I was not meeting the needs of my wife. We’d settled into a rut, she decided she wanted out, and I was quite frankly, bewildered by her decision.
After we had separate houses, I maintained hope against all odds that she would see things my way and we would be reunited. Her mind was set though, I had exhausted my chances long before she left. Still, so long as we maintained some sort of relationship, friendship, an occasional hug, my hope was renewed. I was unable to move on because of the steady contact we had was not allowing me to see anything other than my hopes without a hint of reality.
The very BEST thing she did for me, and herself as well, was to sever all contact, no visits, no phone calls, no smiles when our paths crossed in the small town we lived in. Nothing to show we had once shared a life as husband and wife, nothing to show any concern or compassion still existed on her part.
Took me about 3 months to really get the message. Took me another 6 months to start really getting on with my life and looking ahead, not backwards.
Honestly, after years in a relationship, cutting all ties is hard to do, for the both of you. It is the best thing you can do though. It is not your place any longer to try and ease his pain. That rollercoaster ride you are on is not a pleasant experience I’m sure.
Let me say this again; it is the best thing for the both of you.
As a side note; I am grateful, now, my ex took the steps she did when she did. I was floundering and had no interests or direction of my own so long as I perceived some hope existed. In denial ? Yes, I was. Today, we are friends. We keep in touch and maybe twice a year we either talk on the phone or go have dinner with our spouses, the four of us.
Not the way I had envisioned my life being at all. It has worked out though.
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